


The Most Exquisite Form Of Self-Destruction

by Yuri4Gwen



Series: Only Worth Living If Somebody Is Loving You [3]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Abusive Neil Hargrove, Alpha Billy Hargrove, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Anger, Angst, Billy Hargrove Being an Asshole, Billy Hargrove Has Issues, Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy Hargrove Nervous Smoking, Billy Hargrove Wants Steve's Attention, Biting, Bitter Billy Hargrove, Bottom Steve Harrington, Bully Billy Hargrove, Canon-Typical Violence, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Drugged Billy Hargrove, F/M, Gen, Good Babysitter Steve Harrington, Guilt, Guilt Ridden Billy Hargrove, Hair-pulling, Hurt Steve Harrington, In Love Steve Harrington, Jealous Billy Hargrove, M/M, Marking, Neil Hargrove Being an Asshole, Neil Hargrove's A+ Parenting, Oblivious Steve Harrington, Obsessive Billy Hargrove, Omega Steve Harrington, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Billy Hargrove, Protective Dustin Henderson, Protective Mrs Harrington, Protective Steve Harrington, Protectiveness, Sad Billy Hargrove, Sad Steve Harrington, Season 2 Fight (Slightly Different Due To AU But Plays Out Similar To Canon), Season/Series 02, Soft Billy Hargrove, Spanking, Steve & His Mom Have A Good Relationship, Steve Harrington Is a Mess, Top Billy Hargrove, Worried Billy Hargrove, Worried Mrs Harrington
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:42:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27666959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuri4Gwen/pseuds/Yuri4Gwen
Summary: Due to his relationship with Nancy, Steve's social life and attitude have completely changed. As Steve grows more contented Billy becomes more bitter as he craves Steve's attention causing him to antagonise him in public.Billy grows more hopeless as he knows that Steve is hiding things from him, what will happen when he's finally pushed too far?
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Neil Hargrove/Mrs Harrington, Steve Harrington & Dustin Henderson, Steve Harrington & Jonathan Byers, Steve Harrington & Nancy Wheeler, Steve Harrington & The Party, Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler, billy hargrove & tommy hagan
Series: Only Worth Living If Somebody Is Loving You [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022986
Comments: 13
Kudos: 68





	The Most Exquisite Form Of Self-Destruction

**Author's Note:**

> Un-betaed so please excuse all my mistakes.

Steve’s social circle continued to shrink until the only person he seemed to want to spend any time with was Wheeler and occasionally Byers. He’d gone from one of the most popular people in Hawkins to an almost social pariah in a short space of time. Billy was sure that when Steve’s mom had brought them into the family this was not the Alpha influence she was hoping for. Yet much to Billy’s displeasure even Steve’s mom had noticed how happy and contented her son was, maybe he wasn’t being invited to all the parties and his old friends taunted him but Steve didn’t seem to have a care in the world.

Billy’s popularity within Hawkins had skyrocketed; he’d never really had any problems fitting in as he had always been confident in his ability to attract other people and usually, he would enjoy himself but now they just left him empty and dissatisfied. Steve was too busy for him so he’d started to go on more dates and was invited to more parties than ever but whereas Steve grew happier Billy became more miserable. 

A deep carnivorous hunger had grown within Billy and he could not fill it not with the girls of Hawkins, all the parties he was invited to or all the weight lifting he could stand. There was only one thing that would satisfy but Steve had no time for Billy all his free time was spent on Wheeler and he hated how bitterly jealous he was. 

He had even joined forces with a previous enemy Tommy, he still couldn’t stand him but as Steve got more and more distant Billy became desperate to get any kind of reaction out of him. He would join in when Tommy was harassing Steve and when he was with a girl he would make a big show out of turning her to jelly but his attention was always on Steve. He hated how obvious he was being but he craved Steve’s attention but it was all to no avail. He did his best to antagonise him in public anything to have Steve look his way even if only for a moment.

Watching Steve in the halls at school being so excited just to seemingly be in Wheeler’s presence was nauseating. He barely glanced in Billy’s direction but some Halloween party was taking place this weekend, it was the talk of the school and Billy was determined to make an impression. There was no way that Steve would be able to ignore him all night, he was going to make sure of that. 

Billy gripped the back of Steve's sweaty neck as he fucked him harder. This was how things had been for a while hot, heavy and hateful, Steve always pulled away when he tried to touch his gland so Billy had taken to leaving harsh bites across his shoulders. How Wheeler never saw them was completely beyond him and he found himself biting down just a little harder in the hopes that if she didn't see them with her eyes she'd at least feel the jagged little edges with her fingers. It almost made him wonder how much did they touch when they fucked but he only felt an itching behind his eyes and an ache in his teeth if he let the thoughts linger for too long. 

Even now he could smell the faint remnants of her sickly sweet perfume branded across Steve's sticky skin as though taunting him that Steve was moving further and further away from Billy every day. 

He knew the party had been a mistake the minute he'd arrived only to see Steve having fun and dancing without a care in the world, it set his teeth on edge to see the dopey happy smile on his face. Yet he couldn't tear his eyes away no matter how much he wanted to. When Tommy of all people took him out the back to the kegs Billy knew what he wanted. 

When Steve had been popular at Hawkins High he wore his keg king status like a badge of honour and even though Billy knew that part of Steve was dead there was still a little part of him that wanted to take something that had belonged to him. 

Walking up to him covered with a sheen of sticky sweet smelling beer he had felt something between them shift if only for a moment, everything else faded away until it was just them. Billy could feel his hunger grow but just as he took another half step towards him Steve broke eye contact and looked around him before running after Wheeler like a little lap dog. Hot bitter rejection bubbled up from the pit of his stomach, as he stood unable to do anything as Steve walked away from him as though he didn't matter.

He moved his hand up into Steve's hair and harshly pulled his head back so that he could put his mouth right up against his ear.

"Tell me how much you need this Princess.”

"Al... Ahhh."

He then pushed his cock right up to the hilt inside Steve and held himself still as Steve's hole fluttered desperately around him. He couldn't resist licking slowly over his gland even though he knew Steve didn't want him to while Steve whimpered and squirmed on his cock. 

He knew when Steve had arrived home that something was wrong from the dejected look in his eyes and the heavy slope of his shoulders and he felt the almost unbearable need to comfort and reassure. Then he'd remembered the pathetic way that Steve had walked away from him to chase after her and his bitterness returned. Whatever had happened at the party had to be bad as Steve had barely acknowledged him these past two weeks and it had taken very little needling for Steve to end up rosy-cheeked, sweaty and stuffed full of Billy's cock.

He brought his hand down hard on Steve's ass just to have the satisfaction of the loud slap and feeling Steve shudder. Then he started a brutal pace once more, as he wanted Steve to feel everything tomorrow morning while he tried to survive another day at school with Billy constantly at his back.

"Please... Please..."

"Need something, Pretty Boy?"

"Billy..."

Billy just pushed himself all the way in and stayed stock still once more as Steve slowly fell apart. He wanted to hear ‘Alpha’ so badly that he could almost taste it but Steve hadn't called him that in months and he hated it, he craved something tonight.

"B...B-Billy... Please I need it, please..."

Billy took Steve's hips in his hands and squeezed as he withdrew his cock as slowly as he could bear immensely enjoying Steve's disappointed groan before pushing back in even more slowly. Steve released a shaky breath and Billy regretted not fucking him on his back but as Steve grew colder he seemed to prefer this position and Billy didn't know if he just wanted to hide his face or if he felt it was less intimate.

"C'mon Princess, tell me.”

“D...D-Daddy... Please... Please."

Billy wanted to deny him, wanted to drag this out for so long that Steve’s shaky limbs could no longer hold him up, that his voice became cracked and dry as sweat ran into his eyes blinding him with its stinging salt. He wanted him to feel as though he couldn't breathe with how desperate he was and maybe the next time he thought about walking away from Billy he'd think twice. 

He wanted to but unfortunately, he was so addicted to Steve and hadn't got a hit in weeks, in reality, it was taking every last ounce of strength not to knot him. So against his better judgement, he started to push his knot into Steve while he cried and begged for more but when he kissed his way up over Steve's shoulder towards his gland Steve's head prevented him from reaching his target.

As Steve finally shuddered and came Billy felt himself become consumed with jealousy, an emotion he truly despised. It was the one thing Nancy Wheeler had taught him the helplessness and hopelessness of jealousy. 

To him, she was a slim, frail, attractive but overall unremarkable beta but to Steve, she seemed to be some divine mythical creature worthy of both desire and respect. And Billy who had always at the very least been confident in how attractive he was to others and the desire he could inspire in them was fighting a losing battle for Steve's affection. And he hated how out of control he felt about the whole situation.

Billy always secretly enjoyed school, he loved learning about new things, he usually breezed through his subjects but he was always up for a challenge. He also loved to keep fit and healthy, as an Alpha he had an advantage over other people he built muscle easily, was naturally strong and had great stamina. Yet sports at school rarely felt like much of a contest so he grew bored easily even if his competitive side kept him somewhat engaged. 

Things were different now as basketball was the one time he got to get up close and personal with Steve in public. His blood heated, his teeth ached every time he got to be close to Steve during practice, and Steve would try his best to remain unaffected as Billy invaded his personal space and teased him in full view of everyone.

As Steve panted and sweat his way through these encounters Billy couldn’t help letting his mind wander to all the previous times he’d made Steve sweat. As Steve grew more flustered Billy could feel his mouth water and he’d become more forceful, it was a poor substitution but this was what he’d been reduced to. While they showered he would be distracted by Steve’s smooth pale skin, a hint of the fading bruises from Billy’s teeth barely noticeable, which only made his teeth ache to replace them. 

Recently Tommy had become a much bigger thorn in Steve’s side, getting in his personal space with a gleam in his eye as he mockingly threw Steve’s status in his face. Billy’s dislike of him only grew but he played along, as he was desperate for any kind of reaction from Steve.

Steve mostly avoided him these days but between him and Tommy he couldn’t do so easily and Tommy was a useful pawn for now but one day Billy knew he’d knock him down a few pegs. Now he jeered with that cruel little face of his about Wheeler running off with Byers loud enough so that everyone could hear him. 

Billy knew his disgust was written across his face but before he could decide what to do he looked towards Steve to see his shoulders drop slightly. As Tommy laughed and walked away Billy couldn’t help leaning in just to twist the knife a little more. He hated it but he needed the validation that he was getting under Steve’s skin so he turned his shower off just so he’d have to look his way, give him the attention he dearly craved as he finally got the last word in. 

As he walked by with a bounce in his step at having gotten exactly what he wanted he looked back to see Steve’s troubled face, his frustration was writ large across his features. He closed his eyes briefly believing himself to be alone and sunk slightly against the wall. Billy turned back towards him as though on autopilot, he ran his fingers gently over his hip and when Steve’s sad eyes shot open Billy crowded him up against the wall. He brought his hand up to stroke over his damp cheek as he whispered to him.

“It’s ok, Baby.”

Then he leaned in and pressed his lips softly against Steve’s, making everything soft and slow as he was trying to instil comfort. Even though he was annoyed at him and felt a secret thrill out of Steve getting a little karma thrown his way Billy couldn’t help if deep down he cared so much. All his recent behaviour was borne from jealousy, anger and rejection but he had admitted to himself long ago that he loved Steve and right now he wanted to care for him. 

It took a few seconds but Steve responded to the kiss, he kissed Billy back just as softly and they stood for a few minutes with their lips barely touching as Billy stroked soothingly over Steve’s skin and Steve appeared to draw strength from Billy’s presence. Billy was sure this was the longest they ever touched without it quickly turning sexual but he felt content to comfort Steve, he would do anything for him.

“Hargrove, what’s taking so long?”

Tommy’s shrill voice broke through the calm atmosphere as it echoed through the room and Steve pulled back from Billy with a slightly flushed face and wide eyes. Billy gently squeezed his hip and gave him one last quick peck on the lips before he pulled away and walked into the locker room to get ready while Tommy buzzed around him like an annoying insect. He desperately wanted to ditch Tommy and wait on Steve, check and make sure that he was ok but he felt in these circumstances it was probably best if he just got Tommy out of the way so that Steve had a little time to himself.

Billy hadn’t seen Steve since the shower room at school and he was starting to feel a little frantic. Steve did avoid him a little more than usual these days as he was more preoccupied with Wheeler but not for this long. Also, the rumour mill at school seemed to be that she’d run off with Byers leaving Steve to look like a complete idiot in front of everyone. It was the final nail in the coffin for most people’s respect for him. For Billy, it was the dejected look in Steve’s eyes when he thought no one could see that truly scared him.

Billy hated to admit it but he was worried, he couldn’t help thinking back to last year with Steve’s bloodied face when he was so distressed that he disappeared and then there was the bat with nails hammered into it. He’d never had an explanation for what happened but he knew that something important had happened and from Steve’s behaviour at the time it wasn’t good. His anxiety over the situation grew until he couldn’t contain it anymore and grabbed his keys to go searching for his reckless Omega.

Billy was wracked with so much indecision about what he should do, he’d been everywhere that he could think of and there was still no sign of Steve. He had the worst case of déjà vu. Who could he be with? Wheeler had wasted no time in fucking off with someone else; she hadn’t even been discreet about it. Billy couldn’t understand her at all, she had Steve and he wasn’t good enough for her. Billy felt his anger swell up from deep inside him until he was shaking uncontrollably with it as it flowed through his arms and chest but had no release. He was so angry that he was drowning in it; it seeped from his pores and left a metallic taste in his mouth. 

He pulled a cigarette from the pack near his bed, spilling several onto the floor as his hands were shaking so badly, it took all the energy he had left to light it and take a draw. The familiar burn of it in his throat calmed his nerves slightly as he tried once again to think about where Steve could have gone as waiting around for him this time just wasn’t an option.

His mind wandered back to the showers in school, he could feel the condensation in the air as the water sat on his skin and the sad look in Steve’s eyes as he’d pulled him close and kissed his lips softly. He wished he could go back, tell Tommy to fuck away off and talk to Steve about what was wrong. That had been the problem though as he knew what was wrong, it was Wheeler she was breaking his heart and even though Billy would do anything for Steve he didn’t know if he could handle hearing about her. He could feel his jealousy creeping under his skin; it felt like ivy that was slowly choking all the warmth he had within him and leaving behind cold fury in its wake. He didn’t know how much longer he could keep it all contained within himself.

A sharp knock on the door distracted him from his thoughts then he heard Mrs Harrington’s strained voice.

“Billy? Are you there?”

He momentarily felt relief that she was here, maybe she could shed some light on where her son would have disappeared off to then his dad’s voice came through.

“Open this door, now!”

He walked over to the door and unlocked it only to be met with Mrs Harrington’s slightly relieved face and his dad’s stony one.

“Oh Billy thank god, do you know where Steve is?”

“I think he’s out.”

For the first time, Mrs Harrington mirrored her son’s usual behaviour and bit down hard on her red bottom lip. 

“Do you know where or when?”

“No.”

She walked briskly from the room and Billy’s dad walked right up into his personal space forcing him back against the wall and his head back so that he had to look into his dad’s furious eyes.

“Why do you always have to fuck up everything? Where is he?”

Billy felt his nerves stretch even thinner if Steve’s mom was this worried how bad could things be? He tried to think of anything that had happened since he’d last seen Steve, where would he go? Who would he be with? What was he doing?

Billy was shocked out of his racing thoughts by his dad’s large hard hand striking him sharply across the face, he closed his eyes as tears stung them partially in humiliation but partially because the reality of the situation was becoming too much.

“You need to start pulling your weight here, one little phone call from that entitled little shit and she drops everything to come back here, she’s frantic.”

His dad’s hands came up to grip so tightly onto Billy’s shirt that he felt some of the threads snap.

“Neil!”

They both looked round to see Mrs Harrington, her face was tinged pink with anger, her lips set in a hard thin line as she glared at Billy’s dad. Mrs Harrington’s yell hung in the air like a physical weight, in all the time that Billy had been there he was sure he’d never heard her raise her voice. 

Billy’s dad seemed equally shocked and he stepped away from Billy abruptly and turned to her as though he was going to set things right but she walked right past him as though he didn’t exist.

Worry etched onto every inch of her face Mrs Harrington walked up close to Billy and gripped his arm so tight that her nails started to bite into his skin.

“Is something wrong with Steve?”

Billy wondered what exactly had been said in that phone call; Steve didn’t seem to include his mother in his usual teenage drama, his sad eyes from the shower flashed before his eyes and Billy knew that this was much worse than he envisioned. He felt trapped in indecision as he was also worried but he didn’t know how much to give away. His father’s glare came into stark focus over her shoulder as Billy turned back to her.

“I don’t know.”

Billy averted his eyes as his dad came closer so that Billy was boxed into a corner with them on either side.

“Well, you’d better work it out.”

Mrs Harrington lifted her hand towards his dad in a very clear signal to be quiet.

“Have you checked Nancy’s?”

Billy nodded solemnly, that had been the first pace he’d thought of too which greatly irked him.

“Right, ok well what about Tomm…no he wouldn’t be or maybe…”

Billy again shook his head as he’d also checked Tommy’s, he knew it had been futile as there was no love lost between them but he had to be sure. He’d been everywhere that he could think of as the worry and anger within him had grown.

“Jonathan, what about Jonathan? They’ve been very close lately.”

How had he forgotten about Byers? After the rumours at school, he imagined that their friendship was dead but then hadn’t they become friends under similar circumstances and Billy had never found out the truth about that whole situation.

“What have you been doing all this time that he’s been missing?”

Billy could feel that old familiar tingle on the back of his neck, it was almost tangible like static electricity on the air and any minute now he was going to get a shock. Looking at his dad’s face now he could see that cold fury settling into his mouth and eyes, the strain making them harder as he became laser focussed on Billy. 

Normally this would be enough for Billy to keep quiet like an animal who can sense danger nearby, it was best to remain completely still almost as though you didn’t exist until the danger had passed. Tonight though Billy was feeling reckless, his nerves were already shattered and all he could see was that dejected look on Steve’s face and the memory of last year when he’d had the same look in his eyes but his face was black and blue. Then there was the bat, what kind of place was Hawkins? 

His heart was hammering in his ears as he glared back at his dad, he didn’t care about anyone but himself, therefore, he didn’t know what it felt like to be terrified that the person you cared about most was missing and you didn’t know what was happening to them. The worst-case scenarios that were playing out in his mind shattered his nerves further.

“Where’s the Byers house?”

Billy was halfway through his third cigarette since he’d started the car as he drove up to the Byers house. He could feel the adrenaline pumping under his skin as he slammed on the brakes and turned the ignition off. He wished he had a little time to think things through a little more rationally so that he could calm down. He knew right now he was anything but rational and calm.

As he stepped out of the car he couldn’t believe it but Steve was standing in the doorway of the house with his hands on his hips. As though Billy was a wayward husband who should have been home hours ago to put the kids to bed but had gone out with his buddies instead. 

He felt his heart lift a little with happiness that Steve was safe, he looked a little nervous but overall he was unharmed. Billy felt that nervous energy return and he removed his jacket, as it suddenly felt way too restrictive and walked towards Steve. To his internal annoyance, Steve walked towards him with great reluctance, almost like he was walking towards his doom.

“Where’ve you been?”

“Nowhere.”

Billy glared at Steve, didn’t he know that Billy was worried sick, that due to Steve’s strange behaviour his mom was also concerned which had lead to Billy being blamed by his dad. Did he think his actions had no consequences?

“Don’t lie to me.”

Steve laughed nervously and averted his eyes when he spoke it felt like it pained him to speak.

“I’m not… what reason would I have to lie?”

“You tell me, Princess.”

Steve sighed heavily.

“Just go home, Billy, I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Could have fooled me, Sweetheart.”

A little anger entered Steve’s eyes as he squared his shoulders slightly.

“Can’t you take a hint, you’re not wanted here.”

“Who’s here?”

“Me and Nancy.”

“Wheeler’s here, why?”

“That’s none of your business but uh we’re kinda busy so if you could just fuck off that would be great.”

Billy could feel his nervous energy turning to anger, did Steve think that Billy didn’t know him completely, inside and out, why even bother trying to lie?

“I told you not to lie to me.”

Steve laughed with a little more confidence.

“What part of this are you not getting? Nancy’s waiting on me and I’m wasting my time out here trying to explain things you’re not going to get.”

Billy’s blood began to feel like it was boiling in his veins; his mind was clouding over in a dark, violent rage. All the love and compassion he felt was draining away to be replaced with resentment and hate. He walked closer to Steve, he wanted to see his eyes up close, watch the flutter of his pulse in his neck as the lies flowed from his deceitful lips. 

Just then he caught sight of someone by the window and he looked over to see a bunch of kids all huddled around the window watching them with rapt attention. His rage bubbled over until he could taste it in the back of his throat as he thought about an audience to this final humiliation. He pointed at the window.

“Who’s that?”

In all the time that he’d been in Hawkins he had carefully constructed a dam within himself to hold back the fury that he felt, the rage against the injustices he was dealt by his dad, the fact that he was never good enough even for his mother and that Steve was in love with someone else. Once the crestfallen look overtook Steve’s face as he turned towards the kids who all jumped out of the way like they’d been caught with their hands in the cookie jar Billy felt the dam holding back the rage break. 

Without a second thought, he shoved Steve hard in the chest, a more violent version of all the teasing pushes he’d given him over the last few weeks. Caught off guard Steve collapsed heavily to the ground with a surprised look on his face and an excuse on his lips.

Billy leaned in with a threat about holding his ground as he brought his foot down forcefully on Steve’s exposed stomach and in a distant part of his mind he felt disgusted at the grunt of pain that Steve made but he had become deaf to that part of himself. He stepped over Steve’s prone form and stormed his way into the house, a secret thrill when the door slammed hard against the wall and the kids all jumped. 

Where was Wheeler? Why were all these kids here? What had happened in this house? It looked like someone had had a mental breakdown and decided to redecorate to reflect the madness they felt within. Billy felt energised as all the restraints on his self-control fell away and he knew that he was going to get to the bottom of what was going on here. He slammed the door closed just to watch the kids huddle together closer then he marched up close to them. Their eyes widened as he squared his shoulders and looked down at them; he knew that he was a formidable sight, an Alpha on a rampage.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

He pitched his voice low and deadly; he wanted it to reflect his mood. He could feel the need to understand what was happening here consuming him, burning him up along with his rage. He hoped that the knowledge would quench the hungry fire within that needed to know. Steve had run off and scared Billy half to death so that he could hang out in this gloomy, crazy house with these little kids, why? He took another two menacing steps forward as the kids moved back and he knew that they could sense the danger within him.

“Answer me!”

He started to study them, one had to be a weak link and once he’d figured out who that was he was going to make them the target for his ire.

“If one of you doesn’t answer me, you’re dead, you’re all dead… do you hear me?”

He took another half step then he felt a strong hand grip his shoulder and spin him around, to come face to face with Steve. His face was flushed, his hair in disarray as without warning he threw his arm back and then brought it forward punching Billy in the face. With the force of the punch, he fell backwards but he barely felt it even as he watched Steve shake out his hand, he suddenly felt elation. An unexpected burst of joy shot through him as he laughed out loud and turned to face Steve only to see the pained confusion on his face.

He walked up closer to Steve, invaded his personal space as aggressively as he could. He got close enough to see the nervous twitch of Steve’s lip as Billy breathed in his anxious scent. Steve finally brought up a shaky hand and gently placed it on Billy's chest, he pushed firmly against his skin.

“Get out.”

The joy drained out of Billy so fast that he felt almost cold without it as the rage returned in it its place. Did Steve think he could discard Billy so easily? He swung aimlessly at Steve and he dodged it easily and returned with another blow to Billy’s face. All he felt was frozen fury which erupted from him as crazed laughter as Steve seemed to throw desperate punch after desperate punch causing Billy to fall backwards.

Once his back hit the sink behind him he realised that the kids were all screaming, encouraging Steve to keep hurting him and he reached back behind him and felt a cool plate against his fingertips. His mind assaulted him with images of Steve, a pout on his lips as he looked doe-eyed at Billy, his rosy cheeks as he whispered a soft ‘Alpha,’ his cold eyes as he walked past Billy at school and of him happy and carefree with Wheeler. Billy thought about all the time he’d spent alone in the cold dark Harrington house while Steve was off with her. How much energy he wasted worrying over Steve who didn’t even have the decency to tell him what was going on and lied so easily to his face.

He grabbed the plate and with all the force he could muster he smashed it over Steve’s pretty head. He cried out and fell back grabbing his head and Billy wasted no time going in for the kill. He punched Steve repeatedly while the kids screamed until Steve fell on the ground and Billy straddled him so that he couldn’t get away as he ruthlessly rained punches down on him. He let the anger flow through him until he had become so numb to what he was doing that he felt his mind wander away until he couldn’t hear the kids, the soft grunts from Steve as he slowly went limp, or the sickening wet sounds as Steve’s blood stained his hands. 

He didn’t want to think anymore, as he knew that he’d only drown in the guilt that was going to flood in once he’d regained his senses to fill in all the empty spaces that the rage had created. He didn’t want to be a monster, he didn’t want to hurt the person he loved but something dark within him needed to be satisfied and only Steve’s total submission would suffice but Billy would have preferred it under any other circumstances. 

A sharp stab in his neck made him stop and move away from Steve. His vision swam as he saw a little kid with curly hair and a cap glaring hatefully up at him. He pulled a syringe that was embedded in his neck, stared at it and then dropped it onto the floor as he felt his limbs all turn to jelly. The kid in front of him walked around him and over to Steve and Billy couldn’t help the growl that escaped his throat as soon as he touched Steve. The kid’s glare intensified before he ignored Billy altogether to concentrate on Steve and the other kids possibly emboldened by his bravery all swarmed Steve.

As Billy lay on the cold hard floor he felt a great sadness wash over him as he finally lost the fight against unconsciousness. 

The Harrington's house was filled with a thick fog of tension and everyone within it walked delicately on the tips of their toes while carrying a heavy burden on their shoulders, it was exhausting. Steve's mom had been horrified at her son's appearance, she dropped everything in her life to stop and mother him. She tended to his wounds, made him all her own mother's recipes that he'd loved when he was younger and bought him anything his heart could desire. 

She was also filled with a mother's wrath for who had harmed her baby this way but Steve had surprisingly remained tight-lipped about the whole ordeal. The only things that seemed to calm her were cooking, spending time watching Steve heal and the mix of opera and old Italian crooners that filled the house that seemed to transport her and Steve to another time and place that only they knew.

Billy's dad and his suspicions loomed over Billy until his muscles began to ache and the nights dragged on as he waited for the proverbial shoe to drop. The situation was so bad that Mrs Harrington sent Billy's dad on a business trip by himself and when he protested she shut him up with a single look. This had an unfortunate side effect for Billy too as he desperately wanted to talk to Steve about what had happened at the Byers house but Steve's mom wasn't the only obstacle.

In the cold light of day, the ugly truth of what Billy had done was written across Steve's beautiful face in ugly swollen dark bruises and hard encrusted blood from the cuts that his fists had opened. He had to force himself to look at Steve even if it meant causing himself anguish as he just saw the work of a monster, the one he knew his jealousy was creating. He wanted to pull Steve close and kiss every last mark on his face in forgiveness for unleashing such a dark part of himself onto someone he loved. 

Just thinking back to how unhinged he was, he could hear his shrill voice and cold laughter in that strange house with children screaming and the heavy wet thuds as his fists collided repeatedly with Steve's flesh and bones. How could you ask for forgiveness and expect to receive it? The worst part was that even now seeing the horrific impact of his ugly jealousy it remained it felt like a parasite like he was possessed by an evil that demanded a sacrifice. 

This parasitic infection believed it was justified because Steve had taken his heart, a thing he'd never given to anyone and he threw it away, treated him as a plaything someone it was ok to fuck in the dark while he proudly walked with her in the sun. How was Billy supposed to react? How was he supposed to feel? Then he'd walk too closely to Steve in the house, see his eyes widen in fear as he flinched away from him and he'd remember the monster he had become and his heart would shatter all over again.

Finally, a day came when they were alone in the house, Steve’s mom had run out of sugar on a day when she wanted to make Steve’s favourite cookies while they watched an old movie together. She had tried to encourage him to accompany her but Steve wanted to remain. To Billy’s great shame she had smiled softly at him on her way out the door after asking if he’d like anything. She had no idea what had happened and still saw him as a good influence.

It seemed as though Wheeler was a thing of the past, she was close to Byers now but Steve had remained friends with them both. Apart from the new quality time with his mom, Steve was barely home, that little curly-haired kid had become a protective shadow. These days if Steve wasn’t here he was with him and his little band of geeks, it was like he’d adopted them or something. They made it crystal clear on how they felt about Billy.

Billy ached for Steve but he knew that he deserved the cold shoulders that he received; he wanted to fix everything and have Steve come to him once more. He wished more than anything that he could have someone to confide in, another person who understood how lonely it was to be here in this house so close to Steve but so far away maybe they could help him make amends.

He was so distraught that he decided it was now or never to try and talk to Steve. He found him in his room; Steve was looking out the window almost like he was waiting on someone. Billy didn’t know what to do so he walked up behind him and wrapped an arm around his waist he needed him so much. Steve stiffened and then pulled away from him and Billy couldn’t help it, the anger within him as he pulled him around to face him.

Steve took two hasty steps back and glared at him.

“Don’t touch me.”

Billy clenched his jaw and put the hand that desperately wanted to touch Steve behind his back as he tried to figure out what to do. Steve studied his face intently before he bit his lip hard and looked away. His voice was small and shaky when he spoke.

"I thought you were going to kill me… and you scared the kids, they thought I was dead.”

His voice dropped to an almost whisper as he glanced back at Billy.

“Yet despite it all, I want you so bad I can practically taste it… I want you to hold me down whisper all those dirty things in my ear and fuck me hard like you always do but I can't not anymore…”

As Steve averted his gaze once more Billy could see that his eyes were shiny with tears and he felt the disgust for himself grow. 

“Nancy may not need me anymore but she taught me a lot, about the kind of person that I want to be… about love, self-worth even friendship and putting others before myself she's truly helped me become a better person but what we have… had… that's not loving, it's not about self-worth. You don't see me as a person just as a plaything for you to enjoy, it makes you feel better to make the rich boy submit because there's something violent inside of you… you hide behind being an attractive confident Alpha… but it's started to show and I want to be with someone who values me… who I feel safe with."

Billy felt the pit within him grow bigger, he had been so afraid of Steve not wanting him anymore that he'd attempted to hold on to him through force but all he'd forced was Steve's hand.

"Well, she improved your vocabulary anyway."

Even though he was dying inside as his heart shattered Billy's ego wouldn't let him break in front of Steve. He desperately wanted to pull him into his arms and reassure him that he'd made mistakes, huge earth-shattering ones but he did love and value, Steve, more than anyone else in his life. 

Steve was his Omega and all he ever wanted. A quick flash of Steve's bloodied face flashed before his eyes and he wanted to scream in frustration, how could he do that? Steve was his whole world he was willing to give him everything but all it took was one mistake and he'd destroyed everything.

Steve continued to stand stiffly with a little fear clouding his eyes as though he was unsure of what Billy would do next and Billy hated that he was the reason for all of this. He could feel himself becoming paralysed by indecision so he did the only thing he could think of, he pulled Steve close and pushed his nose up against his bonding gland.

“I’ve made mistakes…I’m trying to be better but you’re my Omega and nobody can come between us.”

“If Nancy had been an Alpha… I never would have looked back.”

Billy’s arms fell limp by his sides as Steve pushed past him and walked briskly from the room. His throat ached as he tried to control the rage that bubbled up from deep within him as his eyes stung with tears. He stood motionless, almost afraid to breathe, racked with guilt and anger surrounded by Steve’s scent in his room as the despair within him rose like a wave and swallowed him completely.


End file.
